Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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