he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
