now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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