you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dating After Heartbreak
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.