Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money