did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?