He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
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Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
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It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.