yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI