Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls