he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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