if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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