I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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