please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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