I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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