I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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