I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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