Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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