my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
