My liver just broke up with me...
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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