don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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