I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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