That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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