i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
