Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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