White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
