Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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