nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
