Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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