carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
