I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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