May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
