Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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