no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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