remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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