3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you would pick up someone in the library
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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