I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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