Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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