I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
