i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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