Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
