sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
