Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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