Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
