Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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