She said her name was "party"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
