today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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