why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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