Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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