Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
