As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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