And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
