I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
