the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think my moral compass just broke
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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