1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
