yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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