hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
