so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
