How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
