at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.