i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
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My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.