Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.