There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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