Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
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