i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
