when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize