There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Boobs speak an international language.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
