My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
