You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
