I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
