You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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