Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
