i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
