we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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