I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
