So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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