You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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