You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
