This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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