I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just found a bag of teeth...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
