If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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