He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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