I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
