I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
