i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
