I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
